A Meditation On Self-Doubt



I’m in the unusual – and privileged – position where there’s nothing standing between me and my ambitions. My publisher couldn’t be more supportive. My creative collaborators are all great individuals who want to see me succeed by helping me bring my ideas to fruition. I’m lucky, and I understand this.


Perhaps the greatest misconception about power is that it’s about access to established systems and networks. Power is actually about unfettered independence. We can blab all day about gatekeepers and proverbial seats at the table, but I’m more interested in the outliers, the DIYers who cultivate their own dreams, who design their own distinctive templates for how they want to move in the world. I’m interested in people who know how to eat their fears.


My life is a busy, joy-filled one but I haven’t yet mastered the fine art of eating my fears and making self-doubt pay dividends. This might sound like disingenuous claptrap but my working life is one diluted by doubt and apprehension. These anxieties keep me awake at night and make me sweat in my sleep. It’s an anxiety born of a paralytic fear of failure. Goddam it, if I said it, you dun know I meant it. This fear of failure isn’t rooted in reality, and yet this bromosapien feels it bone-deep.


So how does one quell all this negative self-talk? How does one deal with self-doubt? How does one avoid falling into self-destructive patterns because one feels undeserving of one’s success? You work and you work and you work. Bredrin and sistren, you get your grind on until you’re too whacked out to wig out. And you accept your good fortune. Without delving too deep into bromidic territory, you encourage yourself on the daily, and remember that if you have shelter, food and your basic human rights, you’ve hit the jackpot. If you find pleasure and passion in your hustle, then hombre you’ve hit a home run.


And that’s it, really.


The trick is to keep going, to keep generating art and awesome shlaka for as long as you can. Diligence is the cure to self-doubt. So what’re you waiting for? Keep on consistently creating dopeness and I promise to do the same too.


In that spirit, here’s a toast to you, my dear reader.


With love,


Diriye



Image by DIRIYE OSMAN



Song of the moment: 'To Never Forget The Source' by SONS OF KEMET